#6. Change Your Goals from “Success” to “Actions”
A goal should not be “I should have this amount of happiness at this time next year” or “I want this amount of followers on Instagram” or “I’m going to lose this amount of weight before this summer”.
Because a success is not something you can control, but an action is.
Instead, you should change these goals to “I’m going to work out x amount of times every week the next 3 months” or “I’m going to post x amount of high-quality images on Instagram” etc.
A better relationship with your mom is not an action-approached goal, but calling your mom 2 times a week is.
But how do you set your goals? Goals should be set with a reason (for example success) in mind, like “If I do x I will eventually get closer to y” or “If I don’t do this, x thing will happen”.
#7. Change Your Minds Gravitation
I believe that this is also a quote from Tony Robbins:
“Your obsessions become your possessions”
This part of the article should be read with care and understanding, so as not to be confused with the pursuit of happiness. This part should be associated with what is mentioned under p.2.
Because your mind loves what is familiar, you need to have an experience with your dream in order to help your mind gravitate towards it. Again, your dream is not your goal, but a result.
It can be as easy as walking down a street you would want to live on (Don’t confuse this with the “I’ll be happy when..” mindset, but a way to make your dreams familiar in your brain and wire your identity to your dream.
#8. How To Stack Gratitude
When you are feeling hopeless and cannot find anything good in your life, ask yourself: Is it really true that you are not grateful for anything or that you sometimes believe it hard to find things you are grateful for?
Do you think it is possible to change your belief on something that you believe you are not grateful for now to the opposite?
If you take one of those things and put them in a really deep perspective, is it something to be grateful for? And if it is, put it in the bank!
Stack the gratitude, take inventory, and do this over and over again!
If you can find those things to be grateful for, your life is going to improve when there really are external things to be grateful for, because of this habit you have developed.
I have found it really hard to be grateful for external things if I cannot first fill up the internal amount of gratefulness.
The thing that happens is that this particular activating system in our brain sends you information about things you are grateful for and those things will eventually all come into your awareness. How awesome isn’t that?
You will also be aware of the things that you WANT to be grateful for. Your health, your diet, your routines. It will almost become an addiction to stack things you are grateful for and this will result in great abundance in your life.
#9. How to Avoid being External in Your Life
The Minute you get external in your life, worrying about what other people think about you, you lose the control of your own happiness, and external factors cannot make you happy! There is just no way!
The only way external events can make you happy is your idea of these events, in other words, you will BELIEVE the preselected reaction to these, resulting in the lack of control.
The only way to combat this is not to control how the external events affect you but to understand that it is your own perception of the external events that determines how you react to them.
If this wouldn’t be the case, every person affected by the same external outcome would react in the exact same way, which is clearly not the case. More about this later.
Before moving on, I will empathize that people’s admiration and gravity towards you will never fill you up, cause if it would, every compliment you receive will affect you in the exact same way.
Example: If someone you are having a crush on tells you that you have a great smile, you would most likely be happy, and if it is true that people’s admiration of you (and those exact words) could make you happy, you would feel the exact same joy if someone you detest tells you the same thing.
So: Your internal perception of any external event determines your reaction, nothing else.
Also, a great thing to be aware of and understand is that the change comes the moment you start being aware you’re not external, not when you fulfill your internal actions.
To be internally active, give yourself credit! Don’t be addicted to “I’m not good at this, people think this about me etc.”. Instead, complement your internal actions and promises you make to yourself and reward yourself mentally.
Example: I treated people in a specific way that I am proud of myself doing.
#10. You don’t HAVE emotions, emotions are something you DO
Joy is an actual action, not just an emotion.
Depression and sadness, for example, is something you DO. By you analyzing your thoughts, your breathing becomes more shallow and you change your course of actions. You wouldn’t be feeling this if your actions (the doing) were different. (Don’t confuse “different” with right/wrong or good/bad).
With this being said, there is a clear coordination between how a feeling/state of mind makes you think, act, takes decision and move your body, meaning that you DO emotions.
And this is even BEFORE we take account to dopamine effects etc..
I mean, if pain as an emotion is something you have, then the cause for the pain would render in the exact same amount of pain experienced by everyone suffering from it, which clearly is not the case.
Pain is something that you, by noticing it and “doing it” is causing yourself. It’s not the cause of pain that sets the pain, but the cause of pain is the trigger that makes you “do the pain”.
By this, I don’t mean that you are to blame for feeling pain, or that there is something wrong with pain – or that every kind of pain is under your control, It’s just the mindset that “pain is something inevitable that you just ‘have to live with’ since the pain was ‘forced’ upon you” is causing you to not being able to shift your reaction to any outcome you would wish to change.
(And no, as some people arrogantly mention in regards to my E-book “The Intellectual Posture”, your mind cannot fix a broken back – it’s foolish to even think I believe this)
#11. You Don’t Know What is Good or What is Bad!
You don’t know what an outcome will bring you, you don’t know what something that happens will result in.
What’s good and bad is just your thoughts and experience of an outcome.
If it is not this way, everyone would experience the EXACT same thing from every possible outcome.
If 2 people break their legs and end up in the exact same hospital, being forced to lie in the hospital a week the first person misses his brothers’ wedding while the other person meets the love of his life.
The MOMENT the 2 people break their legs, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for them to know if their experience is good or bad.
Now you might think, “Oh but the first person knew that his brothers’ wedding was coming up”. Well, what if the wedding were postponed a week and the first person took another train to his brothers’ town, and end up meeting someone on the train that gives them his dream job. He wouldn’t POSSIBLE know that breaking the leg would yield in both going to the wedding and getting a dream job.
If you don’t know what is good or bad, you cannot “feel” that emotion, you can only control how you “do” the emotion.
#12. You are Like the 5 People You Most Frequently Hang Around
You have probably heard this expression before but only understood it on the surface.
I interpret this saying by how you should control external influences to influence your own behavior, with an emphasis on control.
So, if you take advantage of other peoples drives and behavior, you will easier change your own behavior through association (As I discussed above: change your minds gravitation towards a desired outcome)
If you have control of your external impact you won’t get anything out of people whose behavior you don’t want to associate with, but if you hang around people in which you admire their behavior, you can leverage this to shift your own identity.
On the contrary, if you have no control of external impact, hanging around people you don’t want your identity to be associated with, you won’t be able to control this from happening.
So, layer and control other people’s behaviors impact on you and shape them as you would shape your own identity and behavior.
For example: If a person you know to be happy is whining all the time, but you yourself don’t feel like you’re on the same amount of happiness, your subconscious might mimic her behaviour as a result of how you identify the cause of her happiness (her nagging), resulting in you trying to also fulfill your happiness by.
#13. Use Your Gifts as a Guide in your Life
It’s not about you single-handedly and completely on your own shifts and controls your identity, that would be impossible and would only be possible if you had no human interactions whatsoever.
Something that makes us identify ourselves with something good is our natural gifts, and when someone points out a gift that you also intuitively know is true, this gift becomes a drive of your behavior, identity and success.
So if you or someone else can link your gift to any success you have, you will also believe it. This will also determine the direction of your life, clearing the way of even more success and happiness, but remember that this should only be internal and not interpret as a “compliment” or “adoration”.
- It’s important to see the difference of impact of the internal and external in the shaping of your identity and behavior.
- You would want to leverage any external events to your advantage and understand that it it is your interpretation of them that makes the impact, not the event itself.
- When changing a thought from “unwanted” to “accepted” (not “wanted”), you can begin to tolerate it and to let your rational mind deal with it instead of your feelings.
- Every person has 2 motivators, the drive to pleasure and the avoidance of pain. Use these to take action.
- There is a difference in telling yourself “You are good as you are” and “You are good as you are, at this moment”.
- You should never wait to enjoy yourself, or your achievement. A lot of people live with the misconception of “If I enjoy myself now, I will lose my drive”.
- Feel blissful now, do not wait for a day or a situation that might not ever arrive.
- Change your goals from “Success” to “Actions”, because a success is not something you can control, but an action is.
- Stack your gratitude, take inventory, and do this over and over again!
- Your internal perception of any external event determines your reaction, nothing else.
- Emotions are something that you, by noticing it and “doing it” is causing yourself. It’s not the cause of emotion that sets the emotion, but the cause of the emotion is the trigger that makes you “do the emotion”.
- What’s good and bad is just your thoughts and experience of an outcome.
- Layer and control other people’s behaviors impact on you and shape them as you would shape your own identity and behavior.
If you have read this far, I’m sincerely thankful.
I know the opinions of this topic is scattered across different cultures, generations and people, and if there is something you don’t quite understand or want to remark, please do leave a comment and I will be happy to answer it for you!